When suddenly everything is different

It was supposed to be a relaxing weekend with the whole family—grandparents, parents, children—and ended with the grandfather in the psychiatric ward and the grandmother in the nursing home.

It was like a bad dream. The problem is just that it still continues," reports Volker Kunkel*. The employee of a large corporation still has shock written all over his face. "Everything was quite harmonious until my father-in-law suddenly left the house and did not return for an unusually long time," Kunkel describes the events of Sunday evening. "We all had an uneasy feeling. Because we were afraid that he might harm himself, we started looking for him and additionally involved the police." Not without reason, as it turned out.

The grandchildren found their grandfather near the train tracks. He wanted to end his life. They just managed to stop him in time. But the shock runs deep. For the grandchildren. For the daughter, the wife, and also the son-in-law.

If someone attempts suicide, the police are obliged to take them to a psychiatric facility for observation for at least one night. That's the law. But even if Kunkel's father-in-law hadn't been admitted to the psychiatric facility, it was now clear that he was completely overwhelmed with caring for his ailing wife. "Business as usual" was not possible on this Monday. Although Kunkel was present in the office, the main focus was now on organizing the family. The mother-in-law needed to be accommodated. How should things proceed with the father-in-law? Do the children need support to process the incident?

This incident is not uncommon," says Johannes Winklmair, head of care consultation and psychosocial counseling at famPLUS. "It's not always a family member attempting to take their own life, but we deal with overwhelmed caregivers daily. Whether it's the overburdened mother who collapses and needs to be hospitalized, or the overburdened partner who is on the verge of burnout." Caregiving is still a taboo topic—in companies as well as in our society. Many still think they can "handle it." But a care situation is always stressful and pushes almost everyone to their limits. Caregivers suffer not only from the often associated sleep deprivation, but the emotional burden should not be underestimated, especially when parents live hundreds of kilometers away and/or do not allow help. "The sooner these caregivers take advantage of our counseling services, the better," says Winklmair.

But it's never too late to seek help. "In this particular case, Mr. Kunkel needed support in two areas. On the one hand, he needs care advice. On the other hand, he also needs the open ear of a compassionate listener. We offer both to the employees of our clients," said Winklmair.

In care consulting, famPLUS supports those affected for up to six months and helps find practical support – from finding a visiting service that takes over care by the hour, to a 24-hour care service that lives in the house or apartment. "Looking for a care service or facility near the parents is very time-consuming. To do this alongside the professional day-to-day routine, almost impossible," explains Winklmair. But even when it comes to financing, the experts at famPLUS provide advice.

Psychosocial counseling usually takes place over the phone. Up to six intensive phone sessions are offered, with relief and stabilization being the focus. Additionally, an attempt is made to find solutions with the affected individual through coaching. If the problems are so severe that phone sessions are not sufficient, the counselors from famPLUS find a counseling center or therapist on site for those affected.

Both the costs for care counseling and for psychosocial counseling are covered by the employer.

In the Kunkel case, everything went well. The father-in-law and mother-in-law now live in a senior housing facility that offers assisted living. Here, the father-in-law receives support with caregiving and also receives personal attention. All other parties involved have recovered from the shock and are relieved that things turned out well this time.

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